Moribundae Spiritus
by TurtleNinja
Summary: Zam's thoughts as she breathes her last breath. One-shot.


AN: This was inspired by the fact that I'd read several fics dealing with Jango's POV at the time of either Zam's death, or his own, or many others from Boba's POV at the time of his father's death. I noticed that, thus far, I had not found any fics dealing with Zam's thoughts as she takes her final breath in the alley behind the Outlander's Club on Coruscant. Thought it was only fitting that our Clawdite have her thoughts heard, even if they are a bit depressing. She did die young, after all...

The title is Latin for "Dying Breath", which I did attempt to post in the title, but it didn't quite work. Oh well. Mostly Zam's POV, though there are hints of the Jango-Zam pairing in there. I also, unfortunately, don't own Zam, or Jango, or even Obi and Ani. They belong to Lucas(you lucky devil, you. :P). I just borrowed 'em for the sake of appeasing my muses. :P

* * *

Ducking behind a pillar, I paused to catch my breath, knowing that I had but a few precious moments before my pursuers would find their way in here. The club was busy tonight, giving me enough cover even without the pillar to blend in and slip back out the door into the night. But that was if I was lucky, particularly when my pursuers were a pair of Jedi.

_Damnit, Fett,_ I thought. _Things always seem to get complicated when you're involved..._

I cautiously peeked around the edge of the pillar, spotting them both standing near the door, talking. Both were on heightened alert, looking around, and I ducked back behind the pillar. Damn. I couldn't stay here much longer before one or the other found me.

The club was busy, but it wasn't that big, and it wouldn't take them long.

Glancing around the pillar again, I saw with some slight relief that they had separated. The elder of the two had, oddly enough, gone up to the bar and seemed to be enjoying a drink. The other, I couldn't see, and knew he couldn't be far, likely searching the crowds.

I flicked a glance towards the door, knowing that it would be so easy to just slip past them both and escape. So many people were coming and going that if the younger one was across the club, and the older one seemed to be getting drunk, it wouldn't be that hard. I could even assume another shape and make it that much easier.

But then, I realized, that was likely what they expected me to do.

There was a reason the older one had moved to the bar, casually enjoying a drink when he'd been on alert moments before. He was trying to throw me off guard. While his partner searched the crowds, he positioned himself at the bar within full view of the door.

He was making sure I didn't slip past amongst others coming and going, even in another shape. These two were trouble, and I didn't have to think hard to realize that I had probably trapped myself. I would have been better off trying to lose them in the back alleys instead of a building, but I hadn't exactly been thinking of that when I'd pulled myself from my wrecked speeder.

This one would have to go. I couldn't have him watching the door while his reckless partner scanned the crowd, nor could I stay where I was much longer. I smirked at the stoner walking away from the elder Jedi, likely falling prey to one of their mind tricks. Typical.

Another glance across the club and I spotted his partner, walking away from my current position. Perfect. By the time I had put a blaster bolt in the back of the man at the bar, he'd be far enough away that I'd be out the door before his partner reached him. Then I'd be gone and receiving my pay.

I slipped from my hiding spot, weaving silently through the crowd in an arc behind the man at the bar. My fingers brushed the butt of the blaster holstered at my hip in anticipation of the kill. Not only would I collect on the Senator, but I would have a Jedi in my body count tonight as well.

Slowly, so slowly, I crept up behind him, keeping his partner in sight out of the corner of my eye. But neither one had noticed me. The man at the bar was particularly foolish, and hadn't moved from the drink in front of him.

Carefully, I slid the blaster from its holster, keeping it at my hip, just enough to press against his back and pull the trigger. In the noise reverberating through the club, I doubted that anyone would hear the blast. Even if they did, it was doubtful that they'd want to interfere anyways.

Just a few more steps...

Pain! Blinding white pain like I'd never felt before lanced through my arm, or rather, what was left of it. As I fell back against a railing, I noticed absently that my hand and forearm and elbow lay a few feet away on the club floor, the fingers still wrapped around the trigger.

I hadn't even seen that coming. He'd moved so fast that I didn't know what had happened until I was laying against the railing. One minute he was at the bar, sipping at his drink, and the next, he was hauling me to my feet, sending agonizing waves of fire through my shoulder where my arm had once been.

Words were exchanged, but I couldn't hear them. I could see my feet moving as they pulled me through the back of the club into a back alley, but I couldn't feel it. Everything around me felt numb, except for the pain that still throbbed in my shoulder and stump that had been my arm.

If I'd had the presence of mind to do so, I might almost have been fascinated by the fact that it felt like my hand was still there, even though it was clearly gone and likely still lying on the floor of the club.

Laying there on the cold duracrete behind the Outlander's Club, I realized just how utterly screwed I was. There wasn't any way in hell that I was going to walk away from this. Not alive. I couldn't fight one Jedi, let alone two, with one arm and as much pain as I was in, dizzied by the burning ache that had yet to subside.

I knew it wouldn't be long now, if not by their hands, then by his.

Looking up and past the younger, angrier Jedi, I could see him. Standing there, on the roof of a warehouse, in full armor. He was watching. He knew I had failed. He was simply waiting for the right moment.

If only I had one more moment with him, one last chance to say goodbye, to tell him just how much he meant to me.

But people like us, we never get second chances.

* * *

With a contented moan, he rolled onto his back, pulling me with. I answered with a soft sigh of my own as I lay sprawled on top of him, my head resting against his chest. I could feel his fingers brushing against my face, sweeping a few strands of strawberry blonde hair out of my eyes.

Lightning flashed outside, illuminating the darkened room for the briefest of moments and I raised my head slightly, gazing up at his face. His eyes glittered contentedly in the darkness, half-slitted with the fading pleasure still rippling through us both. Sweat glistened on his forehead as I leaned up, kissing him slowly before lowering my head back to his chest.

Neither of us would be having much difficulty sleeping now.

I could feel him shifting slightly beneath me, one arm letting go of me long enough to pull the blankets up around us, the edge brushing my lower back. I sighed again and nuzzled against his shoulder, staring off into the darkness of the room towards the window. Rain cascaded down the glass, casting shadows on the walls that were interrupted only by the occasional flicker of lightning outside.

"Jango?" I asked softly.

I could feel him raise his head slightly before lowering it again, his fingers running through my hair.

"Yes?"

I hesitated, wanting to say it, but something inside me stopped. I couldn't bring myself to say what I wanted to say. It had always been unspoken between us, neither of us ever daring to say what we truly felt inside lest we somehow doom one another by letting our true feelings known.

"I..." I trailed off, suddenly afraid to even try to finish the thought still lingering in my mind. "...nothing. I'm sorry. It was nothing."

* * *

My chest burned with hot regret at the memory. I should have just told him and to hell with worrying about those three little words jinxing us. But now, it was too late.

"Do you know who it was you were trying to kill?"

I tore my gaze away from him and to the Jedi. I had almost forgotten they were here, but the white-hot pain in my right shoulder brought me back out of my thoughts and into the present. It took but one second for me to run the question through my head, knowing that it didn't matter now what I said.

"It was a Senator from Naboo," I replied.

"Who hired you?"

I swallowed hard, steeling myself against the pain racing along my agonized nerves, forcing myself not to reveal him.

"It was...just...a job..." I choked out, feeling my stomach churning with pain and emotion.

The younger Jedi grew more agitated by my answer, and impatient. His blue eyes sparked angrily, almost as if this was a personal matter for him and not a mere interrogation. I shifted as best I could, trying to relieve the dizzying pain that left me almost on the edges of consciousness.

"Who hired you?" A pause. "Tell us now!"

I couldn't delay them any longer, and I knew it. I would have to tell them or they would simply drag me off and let the police handle it. Neither was an option, but that was all right. I knew it would be quicker to tell them now.

They wouldn't get so much as a name out of me, and I knew it.

Looking beyond the younger Jedi again, I could see Jango still standing there, cold and emotionless, unmoving. But I knew that behind that faceless mask, there was a man who wasn't as cold as he would have the galaxy think. Behind that mask, there was a lover who could love as passionately as he could hate.

For the briefest of seconds, our gazes met, and I knew that if I could see his face, his eyes would be locked onto mine.

_Please don't look at me like that, Fett,_ I thought. _I made my choice, now you have to make yours..._

I dared to keep my gaze on him for a second longer before looking back towards the Jedi. Our mission had been compromised, and he had a lot more to lose in this mess than I did. If he couldn't bring himself to make the decision to save what mattered most to him, then I'd make it for him.

"It was a bounty hunter called..."

I didn't even have a chance to finish before I felt the dart pierce my neck, sending poison burning through my veins. A part of me felt sadness in knowing that tomorrow, he would wake up alone, but yet at the same time, I felt relief, knowing that my death would give him a second chance at life. Guess I was wrong to think that people like us never got second chances.

I could feel my lungs start to seize, gasping for air as I looked past the Jedi, wanting him to be the last thing I saw as I let death take me.

_Go on, Fett. Get out of here. You've got a son to raise. Don't waste this chance..._

I could see him start to fade, my vision darkening as the poison raced through my veins towards my heart and brain. I gasped and choked, struggling for words, hoping that I could buy him just a few more seconds in throwing them off. They weren't the only ones who could play mind tricks. I was just another hunter, erased by a rival who wanted the bounty more.

_Take good care of Boba for me, Fett. You're all he's got left now..._


End file.
